Another Saturday comes around and it doesn’t seem like two seconds since last Saturday. How is it I am bored most of the time yet when I think of something last week it seems like it only just happened?
Blinknott rang this morning wanting to know if I would like to go out tonight. Unlike me, I politely declined as since I have been working with him I don’t really want to spend more time with him.
Aunt Fanny arrived this morning, much to my surprise. Yes, I knew she was coming but two things I wasn’t aware of…
Firstly that she was arriving this early and secondly that she was bringing her ‘new man’ with her. His name is Arbuthnot, he is from Sante Del Tossa and has a thing for deep fired glats livers.
I don’t mind, I mean Fanny has done so much for me but he is less than half her age and that for one makes me highly suspicious, plus with no real room I have given them my room.
I am going to have to buy new bedding when Fanny leaves as the noises which emanated from my room last night could make a XXXX film suitable for family viewing. With that in mind I may well have to get a new mattress as well.
Seeing as Fanny and Arbuthnot are going to be here for who knows how long I made a small investment today in order to save my sanity, earplugs.
On a better note, myself and Blinknott caught a shoplifter today. Elderly woman who had been in the shop for hours, blatant as anything she shoves three pairs of Ms Delilah Fox’s Scanty Panties in her bag and walks out.
Let me just say this, one who in their right mind buys worn underwear? Two, if you can’t afford leave it be and three just ewww. She said at interview, “I wanted them for my toy boy.”
Needless to say I will be having nightmares tonight.
I may need ear defenders, imagine a sound much like that of a hundred mountain apes who have been caged up and fed on pheromones for three months, then all released into one room…
Well that has nothing on the sound which comes from my room on a nightly basis now.
I left for work early as there were still some unusual sounds coming from my room…
I even missed group last night as I was so tired I fell asleep on the sofa more or less the moment I sat down. Blinknott said he called for me at the usual time and was concerned due the noises he could here.
So I had to tell him all about Fanny and Arbuthnot, talk about embarrassing. Needless to say Blinknott was in raptures of laughter all day long.
Fanny has invited all of the RDS group to a meal out. It would appear that there is more to this Arbuthnot than meets the ear. He is, as I am informed by Fanny, the owner of the one and only Grand de la Horsier in the main lobby. Basically they’re like Horse Burgers R Us but they call it Horse da Carve rather than Mega Burger and charge ten times the amount.
I said yes, if I am going to put up with their noises of ‘excitement’ then I may as well get something out of it.
I have to say that my new ear defenders, purchased yesterday from a Grade A Building Suppliers, when coupled with ear plugs do at least block out the vast majority of Fanny’s noises.
The meal is booked for tomorrow and four thirty in the afternoon, what a fantastic time, NOT! Seems that we are only worthy of a time when the restaurant is quieter than normal. I intend to eat everything I can and drink even more!
One would think that working for a charity your job would be pretty safe? I was wrong.
The meal itself, well let’s face it horse is horse no matter how much you dress it up, give it a posh name and charge extortionate prices. I ate everything I could, all was going well even Alice sat next to me with her hand on my knee. The problem came when just as I was about to bite into my main meal, a protest group had managed to dodge the guards on the doors.
Once inside they did their best to cause as much havoc as possible, the leader of course was our manager…
I was informed as she was dragged away screaming, “You’re history you skelping four armed liar.”
It is never a good idea to drink a lot the morning after the night before. I think one of the Lyte Dragons may have taken up residence in my head. Though at least for now I cannot hear Arbuthnot and Fanny.
I know Blinknott is my best friend and as such I should what he’s like but even a small child can learn from their mistakes, he turned up at my home today in one of those damned earth Santa suites.
After the fiasco of last year I thought that little adventure was well and truly over. After I was sacked from the charity shop he went mad and quit. As he had no job his allowance was cut, in his parents eyes as long as he is doing something he gets money, if not then the money stops and the way that he lives he cannot afford to not have money.
I have an ominous feeling about this.
Another odd thing, Fanny and Arbuthnot went out last night for a meal and as far as I can tell they have not been back.
I have an appointment at the medical centre later this week, should just be a formality, but who knows. I still haven’t seen my aunt or her new ‘man’ but I should not worry.
I am sure she is more than capable of handling most things which come her way.
Group tonight and I am not looking forward to it, other than Blinknott showing up in that skelping red suite, which I have no doubt he will, I don’t know why. Just a feeling of impending doom.
I was wrong, insomuch as no one else showed for group last night. I felt like a real plum in a pancake field sat there on my own listening to the janitor playing tunes on his comb.
I waited for about half an hour, was going to come home but the meandering tones of the comb playing must have sent me off to sleep as I dreamt I was in some far off land being chased by a gang of annoyed witches.
Random isn’t the word.
Bit of a mixed day not helped by a policeman who thought he was a comedian. Yet again I found myself at the local station, yet again I was bailing someone out, though this time it was Fanny and Arbuthnot. They were arrested on level thirty nine for two offences. Firstly they had caused a public nuisance and secondly they had been charged with an act of public indecency.
The flat headed copper said I should have my own chair at the station as I’m there so often. It would seem it also an offence to tell an officer where to shove said chair in graphic detail!
Well, it’s official I can start back to work on the fourth of next month, I rang work and was told I would be on lates for the foreseeable future. So I have to report for work at eleven thirty am. Fan-phuq-ing-tastic I will be washing up all night for the next few hundred years.
Plus I was back to the police station again today as Blinknott showed up in his red suite drunk for a kids show in the main arcade.
It’s lucky for Blinknott that Fanny could lend me the cash for his bail. Needless to say Blinknott has been sacked.
You know what happened today? Nothing, that’s what. Thank phuq for that.
Would you credit it, not satisfied with being taken in once for being drunk in charge of a Santa suit Blinknott did the exact same thing today. However, as its Sunday I have ignored his request for bail, plus I don’t think he will get it this time, not unless ‘Daddy’ comes to his rescue.
And no, this year I am not celebrating that strange earth thing a lot of them do tomorrow. Pizza and beer for me.
All I have to say is bah-phuqing-humbug!
No group tonight, seems that all my ‘friends’ have decided to go out partying with a freshly bailed Blinknott, even Dang is going. That should be interesting after what happened at the bowling, oh well not my problem.
Just a few days left now before work starts again, I am going to use the time to have some fun, but not before I go down and leave some flowers.
Fanny and Arbuthnot slept through two days, mainly due to their ‘over exercising’ and it would seem that Fanny wants to have a late celebration for that awful earth festival.
Oh deep joy!
I am racked with sorrow. When I woke this morning Fanny and Arbuthnot were still asleep. I took some time and went out as I only have a few days before work. When I arrived home just a few hours later I was met by the emergency medical services. Fanny had a heart attack 'mid-session' and died....
My guilt over Fanny and Arbuthnot could not be quenched. I feel as if it were my own fault that she passed in such an 'unorthodox' manner. I have to wonder if this year has been nothing but a curse upon me. The people who I loved and adored leaving me.
There are only two more days before the dawn of yet another new sun and the year shall start once more, let me hope that the new one ill bring greater things than this year has.
Note to self, stop reading period earth books their phuqing language is affecting how I write and speak grrr)
I haven't heard or seen from Blinknott, Alice or anyone in the RDS group for days now. I suppose they are all out getting ready for the end of moon period, no doubt making party plan for tomorrow. And what is it that I have planned for tomorrow? Meeting the funeral director that's what.
The one thing I find a little odd is that I have not seen nor heard from Arbuthnot since he left?
I even had a call from the Police asking If I had heard from him...
Well that was a fun day...Not!
Funeral is in a week and in accordance with her will and last wishes I have been told be her Solicitor that she is to be scattered to the winds from the roof.
I have no idea why, I have considered that she may have enemies who would want to gloat over her grave etc, though I have no doubt it's part of some grander scheme in order to side step death duty.