Interview with Blinknott Slappy, taken from Book One, The Monuments of Panda Johnson.
Subject: Interview by April F Parka with:
Blinknott SlappyApril F Parka - (I knock hard on the door to suit 1104. There is a faint voice.) “Please come in.” (When I enter I am a little taken aback to find my interviewee dressed in his hotel bathrobe, it is not obvious if there is anything beneath it and once more I feel myself blushing. He picks up his interview clipboard and looks at me.) Blinknott Slappy - “Err… Mrs Parka?” April F Parka - “It's Miss actually, but yes; and please call me April.” Blinknott Slappy - (He stands now, extending his left hand, to which I am a little thrown, nowhere in my notes had it mentioned that he was left handed? I take his hand as best I can, it feels rather odd shaking this way, but I am here taking up his time, so I do my best to accommodate him.) “Please sit Miss Parka.” AFP - “April.” (I smile) BS - “Sorry, yes April.” AFP - (I take my questions from my bag and settle back in the very lush and comfortable armchair provided.) “So Mr Slappy, you and Panda have been friends since childhood?” (I smile waiting for a reply, after thirty seconds or so, he is still sitting there staring at me now and I honestly feel a little uncomfortable. I jump a little when he eventually speaks.) BS - “Let me ask you a question Miss, - (he pauses and corrects himself.) - April, did you ask Panda about his shirts?” AFP - (He has a knowing and wry grin on his face. Krap! Blinknott laughs hard and very loud. I am now wanting a very deep hole to open and me to vanish into it.) BS - “Oh wow, I take it you fared better than the previous interviewer, when I asked her that she threw her questions at me and walked out.” (He is still laughing as he speaks.) AFP - “Yes, I'm not sure if he felt sorry for me or was just bored.” BS - “Oh my dear, if he had been bored, he would have just told you to leave, and Panda wouldn't go down the sympathy route, not with a reporter anyway.” AFP - “Oh? Why's that then?” BS - “Tell you what, I am bored, not with you my dear, you have to appreciate that you're my twenty fifth interview of the day and there are only so many times I can sound interested when someone asks for the twenty third time... so you and Panda have been friends… blah blah blah!” AFP - (I sit waiting for him to tell me what.) BS - “I'll ask the questions and you answer?” AFP - (This I had not expected, but no matter, I'm here to go get an interview and if it's from this angle so what? - I laugh a little - placing my questions on the side and switching on my Dictaphone.) “Go for it.” BS - “Why are you here?” AFP - “I'm not sure how you mean Mr Slappy?” - (I use his formal name as he has not indicated that I am can do otherwise and from the serious look on his face nor will he be doing so.) BS – “April, why are you here? Why are you wanting to ask me dumb questions that every other interviewer asks me, time after time, Hotel after Hotel, why aren’t you out in the world being the one that people want to ask questions?” AFP – (I sit quite stunned, I don’t think I could be more stunned if had asked me if I wanted to sleep with him!) “Because Mr Slappy, I enjoy my job and yes, one day I would very much like to be that person that people ask questions but I do not consider myself to be an actor or a singer so I see this as road to that goal.” (I sit with a smug look my face.) BS – (I watch as I wry grin crosses his face) “Thank you Miss Parka that made my day.” AFP – (This I take is my cue to leave, I smile, gather up my bag and belongings and leave. Once I am back in the main corridor, I let out a loud breath, mumbling to myself) “Please don’t let them all be like this, please, please, please!” Conducted at the Seven Stars, Grand Vacation Resort & Hotel, Cornwall, UK. by
- April F Parka