Interview with Bambi Nazi, taken from Book One, The Monuments of Panda Johnson.
Subject: Interview by April F Parka with:
Alice Van-De-Lan & Bambii Nazi
(I decide this time to leave my bag in the hall, just my pad, pen and Dictaphone. I knock, not so loudly this time, there is a loud) “Tart!” (From inside and I make my entrance. This time I am greeted by both Bambii, who runs up and hugs me and Alice, who passes me a fresh cup of coffee. A most welcome and unexpected welcome.)(I smile and say) “Thank you very much.” (I go to sit in the appointed chair, but Bambii grabs me by the wrist) “Pancakes!” (She says eagerly) “She wants us to sit on the sofa by the window.” (Alice informs me)(I take my place and find that I am surrounded, Bambii on my left and Alice to my right.)April F Parka – “Good afternoon Ladies, it’s a pleasure to meet you both.”Bambii Nazi – “Tart.”Alice Van-De-Lan – “Don’t mind her, she doesn’t mean anything. Once you get to know her, she is easy to understand really, all you have to do is listen.”April F Parka – “No offence taken.” (I smile and Bambii, I flip my pad over and begin to make shorthand notes, pleased that I have the pad, as I am unsure of who to look at.)BN – “Thief.”AFP – “I’m sorry?”AVDL – “She likes you; she wants to know if you’re having a good day?”AFP – “Oh, I see, well, thank you Bambii.”BN – “pancakes.”AFP – “You’re welcome.”AVDL – “See, easy really.”AFP – (I can see that this could get complicated very quickly, so I decide that I will just ask one question, I am aware now that uncomfortable silence has fallen over the three of us, mainly due to me thinking what question I should ask. I cough lightly and clear my throat.) “Bambii, Alice, I am aware you have both had a long day so I have only one question for you.” (There is a relaxed sigh from Bambii as if to say) “Thank the stars!” (Folding over my pad I continue) “Why are those ‘easy open’ milk cartons never easy to open?”BN – “Random!”AVDL – “I agree, but honestly I have my own cow so that’s never an issue.”AFP – “You own a cow?”BN – (Giggling hard behind me.)AVDL– “Yes.” (She laughs a little) “I have a few.”BN – (Laughing even harder now, I am unsure if this is some kind of joke at my expense, I think that Alice can see this as she says.)AVDL– “It’s ok April, I really do have cows, it’s just that Bambii thinks cows are funny and anyone that owns one is odd.”AFP – (I move slightly forwards as Bambii reaches behind me and thumps Alice in the arm. Two minutes later I am back outside the room covered in milk, all I can hear inside is raucous laughter from behind me. Another interview that did not go the way I had intended.)
Conducted at the Seven Stars, Grand Vacation Resort & Hotel, Cornwall, UK. by
April F Park